Thursday, May 22, 2008

So Sorry

I'm so sorry I haven't been writing. My life is soooo busy right now. My mom was here through today. She came all the way up from Texas to come see her boy. She was supposed to be leaving today, but she's got a stand by ticket and wasn't able to get on a flight, so she's back for another nite. It's been an awesome week. I'll upload a photo once I have a second.

School starts for me next Tuesday, so I'm super stoked! I'm blogging from my brand new laptop that I just picked up 2 hours ago!! Woo-hoo! It's a Dell and it's love at first sight.

I can't blog any longer. I have so much stuff going on; looking at my class syllabus, talking to ma, playing with my new laptop, and this beer ain't gone drink itself! Love you, but I gotta go!

I'll hit you up sometime soon. We're off to Chicago for Memorial Day weekend for a big bash that Scot and Michael are throwing at their home. We're the special guests, so it's gonna be a hoot. We'll set off tomorrow at about 2:00, and pray that mom gets on a flight home!

Lovin' life and this laptop!! Holla!

Friday, May 16, 2008

I Got Yo Umbrella!!

Oooh, Rihanna get on my nerves! So, I had this bright idea, right? I was gonnna cook some dinner and invite Rihanna to come over. Beyonce decided she couldn't come back after Jay got pissed cause she was playing in my head the last time they came over for Spades. So, Rihanna was my next choice. She's fierce, too, but not in the same league as Bee. Anyhoo, I thought I'd give her the privilege of having some of my famous seafood gumbo, ya know. Maybe have her sing us a coupla songs and talk about how fantastic she is and stuff, right? No harm, no foul, yea? Unh hunh.

I shoulda taken it as a bad sign when she asked me if we maintained a constant temperature in our "villa", cause she needed a certain air quality wherever she went. WTF? I thought to myself, "um, ooookaaaaay." So anyway, she came over and the whole time she complained. It ain't my fault Chris Brown had to drive all the way back home cause he wasn't invited. Ain't nobody tell her to bring his azz! I mean he's nice to look at, but I wasn't trying to have Jeremy drooling over him the whole time he was here. By the way, it took Jeremy about 10 minutes to stop cursing me out and banging his head against the wall after Chris skateboarded off. I mean, really! Chris Brown ain't even legal yet!! He is cute, though.

So, I tried to get Rihanna to get us some tickets for her concert tour and stuff, but she held on to that grudge the whole time she was here, pretty much. That small mirror she had attached to her dress sleeve was annoying, too. Literally every 2 minutes it would look like she was checking the time, when she was actually checking herself out, licking her lips and winking lewdly. She asked me where the humidifier was and why it was so dayum hot in here. I mumbled something under my breath so she couldn't hear it, but ya girl was testing me. I had an ulterior motive for inviting her over, namely tickets to see her perform in Australia, so I was trying to be on my p's and q's.

After we drank a coupla martinis, I went and threw the shrimp, crab and oysters into the gumbo pot and let that cook for a little while. During the whole first half of the evening, she was BO-ring! Between her and that mirror, she didn't really need anybody else's company, I guess. Eventually, she took it upon herself to have two martinis at a time! So after the 6th one, she went off on her "ella" tangent. Everything was "ella, ella, ella"! I'm like "you want some ice cream for dessert?" She's all "as long as you have vanella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh". I asked "You really like Chris, hunh?" She responded "He's a really nice fella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh". Ugh. I woulda paid top dollar for a Tums.

So, I was in the kitchen plating the food and she wobbled in screeching her latest hit at the top of her lungs, "but it's over now, go on and take a bow". By this time, I've started a slow simmer inside. She sidled up to the side of the stove, dancing around and asked what is was that was smelling like ass in here. I silently dug in my pocket and offered her a TicTac. She rolled her eyes as she leaned up against the stove. I guess it took a while for the heat to register, because I swear it was at least a minute before she screamed and jumped like she'd just taken a cattle prod up the ass. I damn near dropped the bowl I was filling, she startled me so bad. As the back of her Prada blouse sizzled and flamed, I couldn't help but chuckle. She swatted wildly at her backside, spinning around that kitchen like an idiot. Finally, I got tired of laughing at her, and dashed her with the martini I'd been drinking, and simultaneously stunning her into paralysis. She stared at me in shock. "I was just trying to put the fire out", I said innocently.

Well, I guess she didn't really like the gumbo that much. She was polite, though. She said she'd regurgitated better flavors than what was in that m.f.'in pot! How dare I invite her over to serve her some dog sh*t of that caliber? Did I not know who she was?! She had platinum records, dammit! Beyonce ain't have nuttin' on her!? (Whoa, slow ya roll, sista! I'm thinking). After she finished throwing up, I asked her if she'd like to have another bowl full. She pulled out her 2 way at that point and I guess she musta summoned Chris back, cause 10 minutes later the doorbell rang. As she stormed out the front door, smelling strangely like a chimney sweep, I yelled "So, what's up with those tickets to Australia!?" You know what that ho told me? "I hope you catch Salmonella, ella, ella, ugh, ick, uck." Ooh, it felt so good to see her slip on Chris's skateboard and fall on her ass. He laughed too. That'll teach her to waste my food. Bitch.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

I love Tennis (and Tom)

Tom Cruise stopped by yesterday. I was just getting out of the shower when the doorbell rang. Had I known he was at the door I woulda brought my shades with me cause as soon as I turned the knob and pulled, I was damn near blinded by the light from his perfect smile. He was grinning like the mad hatter and I nearly passed out. If you didn't know it, I (heart) Tom Cruise! Me likee mucho.

Of course, I invited him in and just stared at him for the first 15 minutes he was here. He was talking and mentioned something about Scientology, but all I heard was the waves rushing around in my head. He kept trying to push me to sit down, but I was frozen so solid, I fell backwards and hit my head on the kitchen table! I'll tell you one thing, blood falling into your eyes will snap you back to reality in a hurry! Tom was such a gentleman. He ran into the bathroom and grabbed the only towel that was there. Unfortunately, I'd just used that one to take care of some personal bizness, but oh well, it was mine. He made a funny face, sniffed the towel, and then moaned deeply, making such a sexually charged face, I nearly jumped him then and there!

After I got all cleaned up and was sitting with an icepack over my left eye, I asked about Katie and little baby Suri. Tom went on about how Suri is a brat and the pictures in the magazines are really a misrepresentation. She was a little devil, he said. The whole time he was talking, he was rubbing my shoulder in a soothing way. It felt nice, although I was really kinda bummed that that little angel of his was a brat.

I told him that normally I'd have to be pried with a crowbar away from his magnificent presence, but that I was getting ready to go play some tennis. Lo and behold, Tom Cruise is a tennis fanatic. He was once the president of the tennis team in college and he was so good that nobody would play with him after a while. He made sure I knew that THAT was the reason and that it had nothing to do with the shower incident where he was caught peeping through the hole in the wall. I told him I believed him entirely. He said he'd love to join me. I was beside myself. Me play tennis with Tom Cruise! Shut the front door!

But I got too excited too quickly. The whole time I was hitting the ball, Tom was talking about how I wasn't moving fast enough, I didn't keep my eye on the ball, and I just needed to get the molasses out my ass! I mean I love me some Tom, but after a while, I kinda got fed up! And after he came over and slapped me across the face cause I couldn't get the serve in the right service box, I had had enough! I marched over to him and looked him square in his face. And you know what I did? I leaned in and grabbed his face and planted the biggest, wettest kiss Tom Cruise has ever had in his life! That'll teach him to call me a "tennis tragedy".

He looked like he was stunned at first, but all of a sudden he broke into a smile so big it scared me, really. I backed up a little bit and Tom went to groping for me. I started running round the tennis court with Tom Cruise on my tail and he was gasping like a little school girl. I yelled back at him if he didn't stop chasing me, I was gonna call Katie and make her divorce him! Didn't stop him none. I told him if he didn't pump the brakes, I was gonna call those Scientology people and have him chanted on or something! When I said that, he caught up to me, gave my crotch a good grope and said something like "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!" Eeesh, I thought as he threw me on the ground and molested me thoroughly.

He's moving in on Sunday. Katie and the baby will come over every now and then to play tennis sometimes. I still think Suri's the cutest baby in Hollywood. Funny how things happen, ain't it?

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Thursday's Thoughts

Whattup, peeps? Another day, another entry. I had a pretty fab day; nothing out of the ordinary, but cool.

**I spent all of the gift cards that I got for my birthday today after work on a new iPod nano! I had waited long enough and I just couldn't wait anymore! Someone scooped my old shuffle up at my birthday party, so I've been without my favorite tunes all week. It hasn't been that bad, though, cause I've been actually reading John Grishams's new book The Appeal. Like all of his books, it's awesome! So, I haven't really been dying without my music, but as soon as I complete this blog today, I'm fixing to rip this baby open and get to transferring some stuff!

**More tennis today. It was kind of cool outside, but not too bad, so I got out there with my sweats on and my sweatshirt and went up to the courts. Looked like the high school tennis team was at the normal place, but I didn't let that stop me. I found another court that had a backboard. This court is between the house and the hotel where Jer works, so I see that one all the time. It was deserted, so I set up shop there. I had one really good rally out there today, like at least 25, 30 strokes. So, I came home, showered, and cleaned up the kitchen a little.

**Syesha was safe last nite!!! I'm going to say I had something to do with that! I DID call in and vote for her, lest you forget. heehee... That means, it's her against the two Davids and she hasn't got a shot in hell against them. But she got as far as she should have in my opinion. She was my favorite, but I knew she didn't have enough in her to win the whole shebang! Go Syesha!!!

**The weekend is gonna be full. Tomorrow nite, Anthony, whom Jeremy and I met some months ago at the hotel is coming into town for the Mother's day weekend and we're planning to take him out on the town. Saturday we've got our Landmark Forum buddies Curt and Jamie coming over for the evening to play games and drink and socialize, and of course on Sunday, me and my best bud are getting together for beers and Rock Band and maybe some video games. We'll see. It's gonna be a full weekend.

**I made a phone call to the lady who's gonna be helping us with our new home loan application. She was wanting to get my information so that she could start working on finding out how much I could get pre-qualified for on a mortgage loan. I'm stoopid excited. I left her a message and she hasn't called me back yet, but it feels good to have the ball in motion.

So, enough of playing on the blog. Time to get to the music. Hasta la vista, baby!

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Wednesday's What-nots!

**First off, lemme just say that I'm sorry I've been away for so long, but I've been so focused on my birthday that I haven't been able to concentrate on much else. So , I'm back with great news!

** I went to work a half day on Friday, which, of course, was my birthday. And all my friends had something else to do, so I offered to take Charlotte with me for a birthday date. Jay's mom came up for the party, so they went to the dinner theatre since he had more free tickets; so did Marcella and Jay. Charlotte, of course, is Marcella and Jay's daughter and her birthday is on same day as mine. She turned 8. She and I went to see IronMan after I picked her up. It was an awesome movie! Robert Downey Jr. has moved up on my list of favorite actors. Afterwards, we had some fun running through the rain looking for some place to eat. We first tried Buffalo Wild Wings (Charlotte's suggestion) but there was a waiting list and Charlotte wasn't having it! We dashed through the drizzle over to Applebee's and ate there; me and my little birthday date. Afterwards we came home and played a couple of games, namely Payday. I let her win like a nice uncle. :-)

**My sister (Rozzie) and nephew (Aurrie') arrived on Friday nite, later than expected due to flight delays. They were scheduled to be here at 6:30, but didn't actually arrive til midnight (in the middle of a horribly rainy nite). But we had a great time together. We stayed up til at least 4 that morning, laughing and talking just like old times. The weather ended up being glorious! We went to the Mall of Americas on Saturday before the party. I miss them sooo much! My nephew is still a handful. I bought myself a t-shirt and belt buckle that says "Got Beer". I know - kinda red-necky, but I needed a buckle for my jeans, so it fit me and I got it. We had a really good time while they were here and I was glad to have them here for such a great day in my life.

**My party was a genuine success!! I gotta say that it was the best party ever thrown for me! I don't know exactly how many people were there, but I would guess between 40 and 50 came and went. Everybody seemed to have a great time, and the pictures are really awesome! I lost count of the shots after the 3rd one, and I was carted off to bed at around 1:30 a.m. or so. There was a DJ, Karaoke, eating and drinking and dancing, oh my! What a party! I'm still in afterglow. That night my name shoulda been Gropey McGroperson. I was so affectionate and kissy. It was heelarious! It's gonna be hard to top that one. I have to give all the credit to Jeremy, who planned a wonderful event, and Jared, who gave so much of himself and his time to make my night magnanimous.

**Some of the great gifts I received: Unforgivable cologne (P. Diddy), Electric coffeemaker, Volleyball/Badminton set, about $150.00 in gift cards, frames, candles, diffusers, liquor and shoes. It was a quite a haul! Thanks to all my friends who thought of me. What's funny is that my "friends" in Texas didn't so much as send me a card. I thought that was really interesting. I would say "outta sight, outta mind", but I talked to all of them on a regular basis. Oh well, I'm thankful for everything I have and everyone in my life anyway.

**My best friend and I have our bff anniversary this month. It was this time last year that we met and hit it off while we were all in Paris. Me and Jerr and he and his partner, Larry. Jared and I were just there for the trip, while Larry and Jeremy were there for a hotel conference. We happened upon each other at the McDonald's in the entertainment village outside the hotel and hit it off immediately. He and Larry have a lot to do with the success of my relationship with Jeremy. I'm grateful to him for being so inspirational to me. He's the best, most inspirational person I've ever met and with Jeremy's love and Jared's friendship, I'm the luckiest guy in the world. I say all the time he and Larry are the best!

**I'm all set as far as furthering my education goes! I've applied for and was accepted by Normandale College. I've registered for two classes, Creative Writing and Business Writing and have been approved for financial aid. My first class starts on June 2nd, and I am super-stoked. I'm looking forward to lots of homework. I say that now, but when the time comes, I'll prolly be like "dayum, I ain't finished yet?!" I'm excited to find out how many of my actual credits will transfer. I know I have at least 64 hours, but how many will transfer will be the interesting thing. Yay, I'm enrolled! I'm a college student! You can pat me on the back later. heehee

**I played tennis today!!! YAY!! It was the first time this season, but I got out there and hit me some balls!! I was just hitting against the backboard, but it felt so great to just swing and hit; chasing balls and sweating, running and being winded. I plan to go out as much as I can. I was all set to go yesterday, but the rain stopped me. Today, I got home from work, dropped my work clothes and put on my play clothes! It was only 30 or 40 minutes, but it felt great!!

Well, I think that's all and you've been brung up to speed. If I remember something, it'll be in Thursday's things. Deuces!! Let's all say a prayer for Syesha on American Idol......(hummmmmmmmmm)