The Weekend in a Time Line

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Watch out! Feelin' something!

I consider myself to be an extremely lucky person. And when I look at it, “lucky” can mean any of the following: blessed, touched, favored or just plain disillusioned. But, the one thing I know for sure: I am happy. I appreciate my life so much, and I live everyday with that firm appreciation. I have always lived for that one emotion. I love to laugh and I appreciate every moment that I get to do it. Not enough people in the world live in that space and I think we would live in such a better world if that were the case. Too many people live in the space of “what if” or “I wish I would have” or “I didn't, so my life is not..”. What if we all just gave up all that, and lived in the space of “here's what I do have”, “from this moment on, I can..” or just “my time is now”.

Happiness is, of course, defined differently by every individual, but not enough people focus on those things that provide that happiness: well, other than the obvious sick-minded, psychopathic individuals who get off doing retarded shit. So many of us focus on what makes us unhappy, or what our problems are. I've always been the kind of person to look at whatever it is that's making me unhappy and find a way to make it work. How do I turn that thing around so that it's not the end of the world? I've had many setbacks in my life, but I don't regret any of it. I know that bad/hurtful/unpredictable things will happen and I know that those things, although they are a part of my past, don't mean they will be a part of my future.

Even though there are so many things that I could find negative about my life, like not having a high paying job or not having a fulfilling relationship or a great house and car, I choose to think about the fact that I'm blessed to be able to look out of my window, feel the breeze as it blows through, or rub baby oil against my smooth skin; feel the rain as it falls on my head, watch the waves as they ripple across the lake down the block. I've always been someone who finds the good and the positive in things and it's given me such an appreciation for everything. I just don't make time for regret or anger or negativity. What's the purpose? We all get to choose how we live. Nobody can tell me I should be mad about something or hateful toward someone. I'm the only one that gets to decide how I live. And I choose to be happy.

Every day of my life is spent in the pursuit of happiness. I look at my life and see the beauty in it, despite some of the choices I've made and some of the situations I've been in, and it makes me smile knowing that I've gone through all that I have and yet, I'm still the optimistic, fun-loving person that I've always been. What's so great about not being rich, and not having a career that I love right now? Laughing with friends who love me, catching the giggles from watching a baby's hysterical laughter, being able to drink a great glass of wine when I get home from work. Life is so full of tragedy, and what's the point of adding to any of it. Live a life that you appreciate.

In my life and in my environment, I want to spread positivity. I want to be an example of how living your life can be fulfilling in the face of all the crap that we're surrounded with everyday. I am constantly striving for things in my life. Sure, I want a college degree! Of course, I want a man to be with me in a loving and ridiculously silly relationship! Why wouldn't I want to make a shit load of money! All I'm saying is that while I work on all of those things, I still maintain that my life is about happiness now. My life is about having the best time I can in the time that I have it. When I die, I will definitely be able to say, I LOVED IT. I haven't traveled the world extensively, but oh, how I've laughed....and danced....and lived to the fullest.

So many people have come in and out of my life, both good and bad, and I'd like to think that I have given them a part of myself that they will remember as a ray of light; a bright and shiny ray of genuine positivity. As I sit here, I can think of so much negative energy that I've had in my life and it's a wonder that I'm not more of a bitter, hateful bitch. I think of Kenneth, who literally beat me up in the parking lot of Rumors, and Napoleon, who chased me across a major highway with a butcher knife. Even with all that drama, and believe me there's more where that came from, I should be one hateful S.O.B. But, something in me, doesn't operate that way. Maybe it's been the influence of my family, who've always been very happy, comedic people. I've always had such a great time with my relatives and there's never been a whole lot of drama. There's the occasional philanderer and there is Uncle Ray, who is just a bit of a drunk, but hey, even he was happy!

This post was just to express how blessed, lucky, happy I feel to be alive and to be in Darald Murray's skin. I try not to live any part of my life doing anything that I will regret 5 or 10 years down the line. I want to be able to say what I did, I did it because I wanted to. I did it because it was the thing that made me happy. And I'm sure there are some people who think the things that make you happy aren't always the things that are good for you. And to those people, I deliver a firm and saliva-filled raspberry. Good for who? If I chose it, it was good for me.

When I die, I will most certainly be able to say I was happy. No matter what else happens, in the long run, that's all that matters to me. On my tombstone, I would be completely honored if it said “he lived, he danced, he laughed”. And I want my funeral to be a party with dancing, laughing and singing and of course, eating awesome food! But, who's thinking about dying! I have a life to live...and I'm living it right this very second!!

So Beautiful

Did I mention how much I love this song?

You're my baby,
My lover, my lady
All night, you make me want you
It drives me crazy

I feel like you
were made just for me babe
Tell me if you
feel the same way

Cause it just feels so right
I don't wanna waste no time
If I had to choose I know
I'm gone always choose to be witchoo,
cause girl don'tchoo know.

Girl, don'tcha know..
you're so beautiful
I wanna give all my love to ya girl
Not just tonight
for the rest of ya life
I wanna be always here by ya side.
(repeat chorus)

When you're not here
you don't know how much I miss you
The whole time on my mind
is how much I'm gonna get to make
you feel so good
like you know I could
Tell me if you
feel the same way.

Cause it just feels so right
I don't wanna waste no time
Girl, if I had to choose I know
I'm gone always choose to be witchoo girl

Don'tchoo know.

(chorus and adlib until deliciousness ends)

It's Official!

So, first things first. This muthaf*&ckin' snow has got to go!!! I woke up this morning and looked out the window and what's the first thing I see? WHITE!! Like white falling from the sky! Isn't this April already? This sh*t has got to stop...NOW! I'm gonna do my best Barbara Eden genie head bob and try to make this ish disappear! Hold up....................................................Ugh. Didn't work. Seriously, though. Eeesh. I s'pose I should get used to this crap, hunh? Whatevs. (rolling eyes)

So, second things second. I am officially in love with Musiq's "So Beautiful". I think I listened to that song 115 times last night! OK, I exaggerate. It was probably more like 97. Anyhoo, loves it!!! By the way, looking out my window this morning...? Not so hot. Snow, ya know? (grumbling under my breath) Anyhoo, that song makes me wanna take up my show career again. I could lip sync the sh*t outta that! Ya boy did his thang on that song. I'm lovin' it!! Thinking of it now makes me wanna pull out the old iPod now and give 'er a listen. (be right back.......)

OK, I'm good now. Ah, I love music. LOL

I ended up just staying at home and chillin' last nite. Musiq kept me on lockdown with that song. I watched the tennis match...GO VICTORIA!!! She did, indeed, beat the pants off of Serena. It was a good time watching that! I love to see people reach their potential and she did last night. After that, I had a couple martinis and watched Lakeview Terrace.....wasn't as good as I thought it might be, but it passed the time until I passed the f*ck out! LOL

Today, should be off the chain! (not considering the muthaf&%kin' snow fallin!) Hanging with the bff is always a magnificarrific time! My favorite time of the day is BFF time....that is, until I find a man! Til then, though, the BFF is the best friend and the man!! I think he can handle it, though. He enjoys hanging out with me as much as I enjoy hanging out with him. Heckle and Jeckle, Laurel and Hardy, Amos and Andy up in dis muthaf&$ka!!!

My birthday is coming up in like less than a month!! Party ova heah!! What am I gonna do? So many of my friends that I used to know didn't even make it to 40, so I know how blessed I am. Life is a trip. I have thoroughly enjoyed mine, too. My life has not only been a trip, it has been a voyage....like Space Odyssey or some boolsh*t. ;-) I love getting older....except for the gray hair and the flabby parts. Hunh? Who said flabby? I didn't!

OK, so what I think I wanna do right now is go listen to my song. Yeah, yeah, that one. And I'll holla back a little later! Peace and Murray's hair grease!!!

Relaxing Saturday Soup

I'm sitting here at my desk, with the wind blowing through my window and Ellen playing on the television. I'm currently about a month behind on my Ellen Show episodes, but I'm getting quite caught up this weekend. Today was pretty busy. I went to 341's last night and got pretty toasted, so I was passed out at about 9:45. I got a good night's sleep, though! Woke up this morning at about 6:30 and hit the ground running! I retook some quizzes for my Poetry class; aced all of those and then went to the grocery store and spent over a $100 smacks! Eeesh, I'm supposed to be trying to save money for our BFF trip to Chicago in two weeks, but I needed all kinds of crap. It's been quite some time since I went to the grocery store. It's a bad economy, in case you had'nt heard, and I'm feeling it ova heah!

So, I finished my last little bit of homework after the grocer's, so I'm free of homework for the rest of the weekend, which is auss!! This evening, I can chill and watch television and of course, tomorrow is BFF Sunday. Did I mention I love being able to sit at my desk and feel the breeze coming through the window? It makes sitting at my computer so much better. It feels so open here. I'm glad I decided to move the desk this morning. Makes a lotta difference. It also makes my apartment seem a lot roomier. Me likee!

I can't decide what I wanna do this evening. Currently, it's around 4:30 and I'm chilling right now, drinking a glass of iced tea (a Texas thang, ya know.) and trying to decide if I wanna start with a glass of wine or whether I should wait and start later, just in case I wanna go out. Decisions, decisions......hmmm...well, there's no hurry. I'll decide soon. Right now, though, it's me and Ellen. I love that chick. She makes me laugh everyday. We have the same spirit, I think; always loving to laugh and spread positive energy. She's my favorite! I can always turn her on and feel even more amazingly happy. She truly has a gift and has the right job, spreading happiness and fun into people lives. Her guest right now is Shawn Johnson, the Olympic gymnast, and by the way, she does not look like she's gonna be winning Dancing with the Stars this year. I'm just saying....sister looks quite uncomfortable doing those twirls, but anyhoo, that's just my opinion.

I'm loving American Idol night over at Larry and Jared's. We've got this Idol bingo game going on every week and it makes things so much more interesting. We pay a dollar per bingo card and whoever "bingos", get's the pot. Nobody won last week, so it goes into the kitty for next week. It's up to a whopping $9.00 so far! LOL There were only four of last week, though, so we didn't have a major pot, but next week some f*cker's gonna be lucky! I came so close last week, too. If only Simon hadn't made Ryan sign a contract saying he wouldn't touch him on screen!! Eeeesh! F*ckers! Why don't they just sleep together and be done wiff it!! ;-) Oh well, my luck continues to stay the course.

I'm kinda bummed about my class schedule for summer. I only need 3 more courses before I move on to the next level toward my degree, but I don't see any of them being offered in the summer! Which means I have to put off taking my classes til the Fall, and then in the fall, one of the English classes that I need is only held from 12 in the afternoon til 1:50. How the hell am I supposed to go to that class and work at the same time!! I hope I can talk to a counselor who can help. They must offer some courses on Saturdays or in the evenings sometime!! I hope I don't have to wait, because my loan money is contingent on me being in class without taking a 6 month break. This had better work out. Of course, I'll keep you posted on what I find out.

I am doing pretty well in my two current classes, though. Since I've redone the quizzes in Poetry, I now have an A average in both Poetry and Oceanography. O is a really interesting class and I know more about the ocean than I ever have before. I've always loved water and knowing how it works is a serious trip. I can name all the oceans now and know how ocean basins are formed and how there are more unicellular organisms in the ocean than there are people in the world; pretty cool stuff. I now want to be a marine biologist! PSYCHE!! LOL. It ain't that interesting, but it's good stuff.

So, I think I'm just gonna watch the news here at 5:00 and then dial up the final of the Sony Ericsson Open final. Serena Williams is playing my new emerging favorite player, Victoria Azarenka. I really think this girl is gonna make a huge name for herself. She just recently broke into the top 10, but she has all the potential in the world to go higher than that. Watch out for her. Anyway, I like her a lot and hopes she beats the pants off of Serena. Don't get me wrong. I like Serena, but I don't appreciate her as a player. She's practically unbeatable when she's playing her best, that's a given, and Victoria is gonna have her hands full all the way, but when she's getting beaten, she's pitiful. Her body language sucks, she's practically in tears and she just looks so clumsy. She used to be one of my favorites, but nah, not so much. I love Maria Sharapova, who hasn't played singles in about 6 to 8 months (I miss her like crazy), and I love Venus Williams, who is completely the opposite of her sister, very strong mentally, very poker-faced, and always playing with great athleticism, even when she's down. And of course, there's Victoria. Anyway, what was I sayin before I went off on a tangent......?

OH, yeah!! I'm gonna dial up the tennis match and then depending on how I feel after the match, I do have a movie that I can watch...Samuel L. Jackson's Lakeview Terrace where he plays a f*cked up cop living next door to an interracial couple. So, that's an option. It's due back at Blockbuster tomorrow, so if I don't watch it tonite, it won't get watched. While I watch that, I'll probably have a martini or a couple glasses of wine and then after that, I'll reassess what I'm feeling like. Will I be too drunk to go hang and dance tonite or will I get my ass in gear and go shake a tailfeather? Usually, what happens is I'll put on my iPod and start jamming around the house and get to grooving so hard that the only thing that will satisfy my groove fever is to hit the club. I did download a new CD the other day, too, Keri Hilson's "In a Perfect World", and I gotta say, it took that b*tch a while to get that CD released, but it is off the chain. Not perfect, but very very good. And I just downloaded this beautiful track by Musiq Soulchild, called "So Beautiful". I think it's the best track he's ever done. As a matter of fact, I think I'm gonna go listen to that right now before the news comes on! I enjoyed blogging today! This window right next to my workspace makes all the difference in the world!!

Later!