Week One Eliminations

Hi, faithful reader(s)!

Welcome back to the wacky pages of my mind! I'm sure you have much better things to do than read the inane stuff coming off my laptop, so thanks for hanging in there with me. One day when I'm rich and famous, we'll both look back at these kooky pages of inadequate, unorganized chaos (which I'm proudly calling my writing) and guffaw like hyenas. But until then, you're stuck with my witless diatribe of crap. So, as we both accept the fact that I'm not yet Tennessee Williams, on to the real cream of my crap, American Idol!!!!!


Last nite was the first nite of eliminations and believe it or not, I was pretty close to perfect with my predictions as to who was the bottom of the barrel. I managed to foreshadow the demise of 3 of the 4 unlucky eliminatees.

The show of course began with a panoramic view of all the contestants looking their most gorgeous, all decked out in their most fashionable black and white outfits. Very sophisticated did they look. You could hardly tell that within the next 10 minutes someone would be saying 'goodbye' to their dreams of a "moment like this". The guys wore nice and natty looking suits and some of 'em even had some nice brims going on! The girls were crisp and classy in everything from glamorous short-shorts to 50's mini-dresses with matching head bands. If nothing else, they looked amazing.

Before I could even digest the fabulosity that I was witnessing, the audience was then shown a pre-recorded segment of all the contestants de-planing as if they were already world class celebrities. As they walked across the tarmac, looking fabulously wind-blown, we got freeze-frames of each, with their names flashed below to make sure you got the full movie star effect. I was really pleasantly taken aback. That was one of the better-produced segments that I've seen so far on the show. Even better, the music of Idol alumni Daughtry accompanied.

But the euphoria of those moments didn't last long, because before you knew it it was time for the group performance. And by performance, I mean perturbance. I guess it's become a staple of the show, but seriously, the group numbers are never any good. Did I say never? I meant never, ever! And last nite proved to continue the trend. I don't remember what they were singing, but they didn't sound cohesive. They hardly sounded good. Even as they got to their solos, it was like singing with the group just made all of 'em sound worse individually. Not cool. NEXT!

So, after one of the 1,003 breaks yet to come, Ryan got right into it. All of the guys were seated in the normal 2-row formation, but he quickly called out Garrett Haley to join him. And right off the bat, sent that sucker home!! YAY!! I got one right! And so did America! That poor kid. He hadda go, though. Unfortunately for us, not until he sang his song again. Because of technical difficulties with my bff's cable system, we were spared the audio on that one. Thank God!

So, now on to the girls. Stronger than the guys? That's what they say, but somebody had to go. Who was it going to be? Hmmmm.......well, my cohorts and I didn't really get to see the lead-up, but when the cable popped back into action, Amy Davis was standing with Ryan in the loser's circle, looking like she'd just miscarried. Awwwww. To myself, I think "yes! 2 for 2!" She looked really cute.....until she started her farewell song. Egads!!! Is it possible that it could sound worse than it did the other nite? It IS!! OMG! Bad I tell ya, with two D's! B-A-D-D! America's got it together tonite! They are on the money. Go Amurrica!

In order to prolong the show to the allotted hour, but also to plug the oddly tantalizing comeback of Paula Abdul, the producers bestow upon us the honor of seeing her new video, produced by Randy Jackson, "Dance like There's no Tomorrow". The video is really, really cute and she looks quite beautiful in it; very wind-blown, very sassy, not so alcoholic. But lemme tell ya what? Forget about dancing like there's no tomorrow. Can we go back to dancing like we did yesterday?! That girl was the consummate dancer back in the early 90's. I mean it's hard to say who was the better choreographer. (I said Paula was before my bff's hubby, Larry reminded me about one of the grand dames of dance, Debbie Allen). But she was definitely the cream of the crop. In the video, you could definitely see her choreography in play and they got the proper folks to direct it too, because there was an awesome segment where it appeared that her dancers were suspended in mid-air. That was completely cool.

Her dancing on the other hand?......As Randy would say (while sucking in air between his clenched teeth) "ssssssss, I don't know, dawg". She couldn't really keep up with the other folks, who were dancing circles around her, but ok, she pulled it off. I was left pleased with the total package until the very last frame appeared. Who did we see? Not only Randy and Paula, but oddly enough Ryan and Simon. WTF? What was that about? Oh well, whatever they gotta do to pay the bills...... Now, on to the second half of the throat-slitting!

This time Ryan called two girls forward: Amanda Overmyer and JoAnne Borghella. One of them was going home. I'm digging the fact that there's notta lotta bull-shitting around. He got right to it. Joanne? Buh-bye. She did a commendable job of covering up her "boo-boo" look this time. I wish I could say the same for her final serenade. Unh-unh. Really? No, thanks. Wow. America is alright with me. I'm thinking America and I are on the same wave-length. Me and Amurrica go waaay back. That is, until we get to the final eliminated dude.

So, I'm 3 for 3 at this point, feeling good, but kinda knowing there's gotta be a surprise lurking nastily in the wings. And then they called......Chikezie and Colton, neither one being someone that I would have chosen to get the boot. My dreams of having a first night sweep were dashed like so much Grey Goose in a Top Model contestant's face. At that point, I was trying to decide which one had the most potential to go the furthest, but before I could hitch my wagon to a horse, BAM!, Colton was out. WTF?! I was pretty stung. Either way, the taste in my mouth was gonna be quite unsavory. I liked 'em both! How'd America get that one screwed up?! I thought we were here!! I was gone introduce America to my moms! How rude! Oh, well....After I thought about it a little more, and accepted the fact that my perfect run was not to be, I flipped to a clean sheet in my journal and switched the tv to Survivor: Micronesia! I knew I hadda be able to pick who was goin home on that one!!