Week One Eliminations

Hi, faithful reader(s)!

Welcome back to the wacky pages of my mind! I'm sure you have much better things to do than read the inane stuff coming off my laptop, so thanks for hanging in there with me. One day when I'm rich and famous, we'll both look back at these kooky pages of inadequate, unorganized chaos (which I'm proudly calling my writing) and guffaw like hyenas. But until then, you're stuck with my witless diatribe of crap. So, as we both accept the fact that I'm not yet Tennessee Williams, on to the real cream of my crap, American Idol!!!!!


Last nite was the first nite of eliminations and believe it or not, I was pretty close to perfect with my predictions as to who was the bottom of the barrel. I managed to foreshadow the demise of 3 of the 4 unlucky eliminatees.

The show of course began with a panoramic view of all the contestants looking their most gorgeous, all decked out in their most fashionable black and white outfits. Very sophisticated did they look. You could hardly tell that within the next 10 minutes someone would be saying 'goodbye' to their dreams of a "moment like this". The guys wore nice and natty looking suits and some of 'em even had some nice brims going on! The girls were crisp and classy in everything from glamorous short-shorts to 50's mini-dresses with matching head bands. If nothing else, they looked amazing.

Before I could even digest the fabulosity that I was witnessing, the audience was then shown a pre-recorded segment of all the contestants de-planing as if they were already world class celebrities. As they walked across the tarmac, looking fabulously wind-blown, we got freeze-frames of each, with their names flashed below to make sure you got the full movie star effect. I was really pleasantly taken aback. That was one of the better-produced segments that I've seen so far on the show. Even better, the music of Idol alumni Daughtry accompanied.

But the euphoria of those moments didn't last long, because before you knew it it was time for the group performance. And by performance, I mean perturbance. I guess it's become a staple of the show, but seriously, the group numbers are never any good. Did I say never? I meant never, ever! And last nite proved to continue the trend. I don't remember what they were singing, but they didn't sound cohesive. They hardly sounded good. Even as they got to their solos, it was like singing with the group just made all of 'em sound worse individually. Not cool. NEXT!

So, after one of the 1,003 breaks yet to come, Ryan got right into it. All of the guys were seated in the normal 2-row formation, but he quickly called out Garrett Haley to join him. And right off the bat, sent that sucker home!! YAY!! I got one right! And so did America! That poor kid. He hadda go, though. Unfortunately for us, not until he sang his song again. Because of technical difficulties with my bff's cable system, we were spared the audio on that one. Thank God!

So, now on to the girls. Stronger than the guys? That's what they say, but somebody had to go. Who was it going to be? Hmmmm.......well, my cohorts and I didn't really get to see the lead-up, but when the cable popped back into action, Amy Davis was standing with Ryan in the loser's circle, looking like she'd just miscarried. Awwwww. To myself, I think "yes! 2 for 2!" She looked really cute.....until she started her farewell song. Egads!!! Is it possible that it could sound worse than it did the other nite? It IS!! OMG! Bad I tell ya, with two D's! B-A-D-D! America's got it together tonite! They are on the money. Go Amurrica!

In order to prolong the show to the allotted hour, but also to plug the oddly tantalizing comeback of Paula Abdul, the producers bestow upon us the honor of seeing her new video, produced by Randy Jackson, "Dance like There's no Tomorrow". The video is really, really cute and she looks quite beautiful in it; very wind-blown, very sassy, not so alcoholic. But lemme tell ya what? Forget about dancing like there's no tomorrow. Can we go back to dancing like we did yesterday?! That girl was the consummate dancer back in the early 90's. I mean it's hard to say who was the better choreographer. (I said Paula was before my bff's hubby, Larry reminded me about one of the grand dames of dance, Debbie Allen). But she was definitely the cream of the crop. In the video, you could definitely see her choreography in play and they got the proper folks to direct it too, because there was an awesome segment where it appeared that her dancers were suspended in mid-air. That was completely cool.

Her dancing on the other hand?......As Randy would say (while sucking in air between his clenched teeth) "ssssssss, I don't know, dawg". She couldn't really keep up with the other folks, who were dancing circles around her, but ok, she pulled it off. I was left pleased with the total package until the very last frame appeared. Who did we see? Not only Randy and Paula, but oddly enough Ryan and Simon. WTF? What was that about? Oh well, whatever they gotta do to pay the bills...... Now, on to the second half of the throat-slitting!

This time Ryan called two girls forward: Amanda Overmyer and JoAnne Borghella. One of them was going home. I'm digging the fact that there's notta lotta bull-shitting around. He got right to it. Joanne? Buh-bye. She did a commendable job of covering up her "boo-boo" look this time. I wish I could say the same for her final serenade. Unh-unh. Really? No, thanks. Wow. America is alright with me. I'm thinking America and I are on the same wave-length. Me and Amurrica go waaay back. That is, until we get to the final eliminated dude.

So, I'm 3 for 3 at this point, feeling good, but kinda knowing there's gotta be a surprise lurking nastily in the wings. And then they called......Chikezie and Colton, neither one being someone that I would have chosen to get the boot. My dreams of having a first night sweep were dashed like so much Grey Goose in a Top Model contestant's face. At that point, I was trying to decide which one had the most potential to go the furthest, but before I could hitch my wagon to a horse, BAM!, Colton was out. WTF?! I was pretty stung. Either way, the taste in my mouth was gonna be quite unsavory. I liked 'em both! How'd America get that one screwed up?! I thought we were here!! I was gone introduce America to my moms! How rude! Oh, well....After I thought about it a little more, and accepted the fact that my perfect run was not to be, I flipped to a clean sheet in my journal and switched the tv to Survivor: Micronesia! I knew I hadda be able to pick who was goin home on that one!!

American Idol Gals Week 1

Well, as expected, the girls were better than the dudes had been the night before. But seriously, that's not saying much. They too had to tackle the 60's era. There were some definite highlights, but I was a bit disappointed in some of the girls as well. So let's get down to bizness and find out who is the head of the class!!

Grade: A+

**Syesha Mercado - Man, I waited all night to hear some incredible singing, and gosh although she was next to last, she did produce! Her voice was in tip/top shape. I was so blown away I almost missed Paula asking her what her name spelled again. "Yes", Paula ,"Yes" already!! Drunk heffa!

**Carly Smithson - The final performance of the night and man did they save the best for last. She sounded so professional. (Could be cause she'd released an album earlier in her career, which flopped). But she sounded incredible. Her voice is like butta! Guess what Simon says.....He didn't get it. What a loser. Wonder if they got one way trips back to Britain lined up for him?


Grade: A

**Alexandrea Lushington - My initial impression was the girl sounds good. But once she started performing, she had me. She looked very comfy on stage, and had serious voice control. I think she sang theee shit outta that song! And once again, Simon doesn't get it. Seriously? Wierd. But I guess I have a whole other R&B vibe and he wouldn't get that either.


Grade: B+

**Asia'h Epperson - I have high hopes for this young lady, because her personality is awesome and she's from the hood. A ghetto girl with a great voice. Very comfortable looking on stage. Simon says it's his favorite of the nite. Go figure....


Grade: B

**Alaina Whitaker - Man, 16 years old never sounded so relaxed (well prior to David Archuleta, of course). This girl's voice is clear and strong and she offers some serious pizzazz. Very good performance for this wholesome young Southern thing. Simon says "very good". I guess he's not a complete moron. I'll get back to you on that.

**Brooke White - I liked this girl. I felt her vibe and her voice was smooth. Her performance was really a little affected perhaps, but all in all, I enjoyed it. I thought she delivered when it was necessary. Mr. British Butt-wipe says she reminds him of the girls in the "washing-up liquid" commercials. Where does he come up with this crap?


Grade: C+

**Amanda Overmyer - This is one of my disappointments. I really dig this chic, but the song she picked, didn't really give her a major opportunity to shine. I mean, it was a cool song, but too much bah ba dee ba dah' and not enough actual blowin'. It sounded like the music was drowning her out for a minute. Her rock edge was definitely apparent, but vocally, she left me flat. She was very secure on stage, though. A performer for sure.

**Ramiele Malubay - Now, this is a strange one, cause she sang pretty good. There was just something about her that didn't really propel much excitement. I thought she was confident, but not the best by a long shot. I'm the odd man out here..Randy says she's "like a pro", Paula agrees, and Simon says she's "outsung every single person"....WTF?!


Grade: C

**Kristy Lee Cook - She has a clear voice, but the performance was really kinda 'blah'. She's definitely got the look, but I was bored. Nice, but not nice enough. She's gonna have to bring it next time.

**Kady Malloy - Ya girl was supposed to be all that and a bag-o-chips being from my hometown, Houston. And my lands, she can do an awesome Britney impression. But Lord, she hit some scratchy notes! Her voice is OK, and she's beautiful to look at, but beauty don't win no contracts. Simon says "Night of the Living Dead" and provokes quite a distraught look from Kady.


Grade: D+

**Joanne Borgella - I really wanted to like this girl cause she reminded me of a large Beyonce. ('S why me and hubby call her "Big B"!) Except, argh. Her voice is sooooo thin. Definitely not what you'd expect from such a voluptuous vocalist. I'm relatively disturbed the whole way through. Gosh, by the end, I'm devastated. She's definitely no 'B'. After the judges destroy her and Simon makes his normal crass comments, she sports the biggest "boo-boo" look I've seen in a while.

**Amy Jean Davis - I could have gone all night without this performance. I mean, come on! The very first note she hits, is as flat as a pancake, and it's downhill from there. She managed to get through the song, though. But not with out hitting notes all over the flat place. She had no conviction in her voice, but she's awful purty! Summing it up from the judges "incredibly cabaret". Hopefully, I'll never go to one where she's performing.....eeeesh!

Anyhoo, so there you have it! Tonite we find out who goes and who moves on to another week of Simon Cowell's 'cruel and certainly unusual punishment'!! See ya on the other side of midnight! Oh, crap! I just missed the news!

American Idol Guys - Week 1 Theme "The 60's"

Last night was the opening nite of the competition to make it to the top 12 for the American Idol guys. Hopefully the girls are much better tonite. I, of course, donned my judgement robe and graded the performances last nite, which ranged from great to not so much. See if you agree with my star pupils.

Grade: A

** David Archuleta - When is this kid gonna screw up!? He is completely awesome sounding and so dayum cute! He's got a much more mature voice than you'd imagine coming from so angelic a face. All the judges agree. David's voice is butta!

**Michael Johns - This 29 year old is representing the G-A! He closed the show last nite with a performance that I thought would have been worthy of any concert stage. I completely dug him. Simon babbles about something or other before admitting that the guy has "got it"!


Grade: B

**David Hernandez - He opened the show with some very strong vocals. I was impressd with him and he was consistent until the end when he got just a lil' flat. He's one to watch for sure.

**Jason Yeager - Vocals very smooth. He kinda reminded me of Blake Lewis singing Keane last season. His voice is not very powerful, but he had good control. Me likee. Paula looked like she was about to cum. Simon snorted the performance was "neither here nor there". He's weird.

**Colton David Berry - He's got some off-kilter movements, but his voice was nice and strong. He seems to have a natural talent for singing. And I like his personality as he talked to Ryan on stage. Funny. Paula licked his crack, too.


Grade C+

**Chikezie - Looks like they dropped his last name...interesting. Doesn't matter, though. Simon f*cks it up anyway. I think he's got a nice voice, but the song selection wasn't great. He looks like the Great Pumpkin in a big bright orange suit and Simon concurs; adding he's too old fashioned. I think this guy needs the right song and he's gonna blow 'em out!

**David Cook - He looked very comfortable on stage, but he wasn't incredible. So, stage presence a plus, but voice nothing to scream about. Paula and Randy love him. Whatever....

**Jason Castro - He was the only contestant to play guitar and I must say he looked very very good playing it. Sound-wise? No screaming with excitement over here, but he's got a really cool thing going for himself. Very unique and very good looking. Simon says he's "terrific".

**Robbie Carrico - His voice is very clear, but again, nothing special. I liked the song, but don't know that it matched him so much. He sounds like he's got more, but he didn't bring it last nite.


Grade: C

**Danny Noriega - Although I really liked this guy's voice, something was just really freaky about his performance. His personality is awesome, though. I loved to see him pop his neck at Simon like "unh! take that!" You go, girl! I thought he handled the song well, but there was really no eye contact with the audience very much and his movements were just wierd. It's Paula and Randy vs. Simon as usual when critique-ing.


Grade: D+

**Luke Menard - What can I say about Luke? Now I understand why we haven't seen him on any of the earlier shows. There's nothing to see! His voice is thin as a blade of grass. Nothing promising about him on the show, BUT his attractiveness. He does have that. He'll be leaving soon, or at least in the bottom 3 if there is justice to be had.


Grade: D

**Garrett Haley - The other 17 year old male in the competition shoulda probably tried out in a few years. Wow! He does look like a Leif Garrett/Peter Frampton collabo, but his voice bothers Jeremy, and I have to agree with him. Not great. He's got potential, but he's just not ready yet. He'll be escorting Luke out of the door on Thursday nite, if you ask me!


Well, the girls have a lotta room to come out on top tonite. Let's see how they do! Til tomorrow, I think I gotta go to the liquor store......

I think I got played on the 1st night!

So, it's Hollywood week on American Idol in case you've been under a rock and haven't been watching the newest season of the most popular show since I Love Lucy. And it's being hyped to be the one with the most talent ever! The show Tuesday night was the 1st 3 rounds in Hollywood. I have yet to see someone who's completely blown me out of the water yet. But wait a minute, there is Angela Martin!! This is what I was thinking as I began watching the show. She was the young lady with the disabled little girl. Remembering she was coming up, I got a little more excited.

So let's get right down to it! 164 have made it to Hollywood Ryan Seacrest tells us and only 24 will make it to the show. My favorites up front are Angela Martin(!), Syesha Mercado, Cathy Smithson from Ireland, Josiah Leming, a little dude who's been living out of his car for a few months, cute as a button David Archuleta, Amanda Overmyer (a rocker nurse!) and Michael Johns, who for some reason gives me a James Blunt vibe.

So this year, the AI team have done it differently, and I think I like it. Nobody gets cut in the first round, so everyone's got two chances to pull it together. The judges can even put you through immediately to the final round. This year there're instruments! The main question: Is that a bad thing or a good thing? After having seen all the rounds, lemme tell ya, for me they just get in the way, but some of them are fine. Whatever.

The parade of wannabes take the stage at the Orpheum Theatre and the instrument idea starts off disastrously. However one Brooke White from Philadelphia kind of gives the playing singers some credibility. She sounds good, but not great. But she's got enough, I think, to remember her by. More ineffective singing and playing punishes the tv audience before finally I catch my breath. David Hernandez from Glendale, Arizona begins to sing and it's the first excitement I've felt since the show began. Even Paula Abdul agrees with me by saying "a hundred trazillion percent yes!", which probably means she's on her way to drunkville.

The performances pick up after that; quite a bit actually. You got the rocker chick, Amanda, doing the best Janis Joplin I think I've heard since Janis herself, and then there's Danny Noriega, who's got a great voice, but if he gets any gayer he's gonna float off the tv screen. Not that I don't like the gays, cause as you know I'm a big 'mo myself, but eesh! Anyhoo, I like his voice. And then you got Josiah Leming, living in his car, parents all worried about him, who has quite a bit of potential as he opens his mouth and sings in a bit of a Bri'ish accent! I thought "wow, is he a new member of The Shins?" (the Beatles, for those of you who don't know what the hell a Shin is). ;-)

Moving on, day 2 continues with David Cook, a semi-rocker dude who starts off the Bryan Adams "Everything I Do" montage. He sounds decent, but oy-vay, he's one of the only ones. I never heard that song ruined s'badly in my life! Even my girl Syesha was a lil' flat. Simon concurs with that statement, saying she's gotta prove herself in the next round. Oh well, I got faith in her.......What a minute! Stop the presses! What have we next? Is this the next Clay Aiken? Kyle Ensley from Podunk, Whogivesa... is up! He looks like the biggest geek on the show since our favorite runner-up sung his way into our hearts. I'm thinking to myself, what the fu-?! And then he starts to sing. Eh, whatever. By some miracle, though, he makes it through.

Now, when day 3 starts, I'm beginning to think "where's Angela Martin?" I haven't seen her yet. So I'm immediately on the alert.

The eliminations are coming quick in the beginnng; only 4 out of 40 have made it before long, among them Suzanne Toom from Clearwater, FL beside who's name in my journal I've written a big "yes!" , but have no idea what she sang. And look-a-here! Here comes Syesha and boy, does she let 'em have it! My girls sounds awesome, even if she has lost some of her voice. Her ticket is booked to the top 24! After Kristy Lee Cook sings some Country music and makes it through, finally,here comes my girl!! It's Angela Martin! And she says....wait, what? Her daddy died? What the hell?! That kinda gives me pause, cause didn't somebody's else's daddy die right before she came? Hell's yeah! That was Asa'h Epperson. Something rubs me the wrong way about that, but I let it go as soon as she starts singing. She sounds brilliant in my ears! I'm thinking "this is what American Idol is all about right here! Yes, ma'am!" She's a shoo-in, right? Nnnnnot so much. I got played. Simon and the rest of the Idol judge-nots leave her standing in the line of losers going home. I practically chunk my remote control at the tv and sit and stew in the warm blanket that is my outragism.

As I watch the rest of the show, spirit broken like the blood vessels in Amy Winehouse's nose, the final chance to impress the judges arrives. David Archuleta is first and boy is he impressive; young (16), cute, sweet as can be, and with an excellent voice. The judges (and my ecstatic boyfriend, Jeremy) unanimously put him through. Syesha emphatically makes it with 3 "yes"es, and then we meet Michael Johns from Buckhead GA, who's got bedhead hair, but man, when he opens his mouth, his voice is like buttah! Good-NESS, his vocals are crystal clear! Simon even goes on to proclaim he's "the best of the day". Which ain't no small change, coming from Sir Stick-up-his-ass. And it keeps getting better. Carly from Ireland blows us outta the water, and then comes Asa'h Epperson, (who's father died first, dammit)! I loved her, and so did the judges, saying "brilliant".

And so we only have time for a couple more as the producers couldn't manage to finagle yet another hour from the network. First, there's Brooke Helvie the beauty queen from N(S?) Carolina, who doesn' t fare well and remarks she "wasn't given a fair chance". Hunh? Seriously.

And the last of the day is Josiah (he of the auto boudoir) who got no sleep the night before, but I have high hopes for. He's very original, and I like his sound. And then he performs. Egads, he's all over the place. His timing is all wrong and he can't seem to keep the melody. ARGH! Good grief. But he gets three "yes"es, only after Simon tells him he was "overconfident". I'm really glad he made it through, but bothered about what's coming next.



Well, that was the 1st show and of the remaining Idol contenders, there's no sight of Angela Martin, and I'm supremely disgusted about it, fyi. That "my father died" story bothers me, though. Hey! Maybe the judges found out she was lying or something and didn't put her through because of it, right?! Ok, ok, I'm grasping at straws. Well, we find out who the top 24 is on the next show. I already know, but I'll keep you in suspense for a little while.. Til then, I think I'll watch some tube.........