A Pretty Scary Fairy Tale

Once upon a time in a land right around the corner, there lived a gentleman who was preparing to celebrate his 40th year on Earth. This gentleman had many things to celebrate along with turning another year older and wiser. He had great health, great friends, a happy home life, and a rekindled love affair with an old flame of his: writing.

As the day arrived for the gala event, which would surpass any party ever held throughout the land, he became more and more excited. He so loved to celebrate a day that was for him and him alone. He could hardly wait for everyone to fete him. He thought pleasantly of all the loads of cash he'd have thrown at him by his loving friends and family and the great gifts of electronics and laptops and endless pairs of jeans and shoes that he'd receive so copiously.

This gentleman had even decided to invite his kin whom he had left in a kingdom some leaps and bounds to the south. Just the idea of seeing them all again made his heart flutter. The arrangements had all been made and he tried to wait as patiently as he could before he would see his dear, dear friends again.

There was one thing, however, that was a bit of a concern to the lad. Since he'd left his home to explore a new world a little more than a year before, he'd gained a bit of an unsightly pudge around his middle. He'd always been a relatively slim and taut, lean and tight individual, but having become married and content in his new life, he'd become a gentleman of some excess. The steaks and wine and cheeses (oh my!) had definitely come back to haunt him. What do do, was his query? He only had a short bit of time to get back into the shape that he had been so notorious for. He could hardly celebrate his birthday with any modicum of gleeful abandon if he was constantly worried about his belly, could he?

So he set forth a time each day before the celebratory event to exert tremendous amounts of energy, hence burning enough calories to butcher that hog. He worked and he sweated and he sweated some more; push-ups and lunges and calisthenics galore! Before he knew it, he was as cut and lean as he'd ever been before in his life.....all in 3 days. Oh, he was a sight to see. There had never been another 40 year old in the history of time to be such a vision as he.

The day finally arrived and he could barely contain himself. He giddily made himself ready and sped off to the grand ballroom where the event was to be held. Just to see the looks on the faces of all of his friends would be worth the hours of sweat. His smile was so bright, he could supply all of Alaska with sun for days. However, when he arrived at the spot, he stopped short. What?! Where were-?! His spirits sank. The area was completely deserted. Not a baloon was in sight, not a reveler to welcome him.

Where were all the folks who loved him?! That said they were coming for sure; they wouldn't miss it for the world!? Where was his partner who was supposed to have been planning the surprise party!? How rude! To be so unwittingly fooled! With disgust, the deeply wounded gentleman turned around looking frantically for someone; anyone. "It's my birthday," he wanted to yell at the top of his lungs. "Doesn't anybody care?!" Where was his best friend who so blatantly boasted that only death could keep him from it. Well, he'd better damn well be sucking dust six feet under, the gentleman thought! After he'd slaved so hard on his body and wished so mightily for wonderful gifts. Oh, the disappointment of it all.

He just wanted to scream at the top of his lungs. As a matter of fact, he thought that he would! He would just scream and scream until someone paid him some attention! "IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! IT'S MY -!"

Luckily, it was at that moment that Jeremy woke me up and told me to turn over cause if I slapped him in the face again, I'd be sleeping on the couch. Whew, that was a close one........