Homesick: To be or not to be.

Should I be homesick by now? It was a year ago today that I made the move from Houston, Texas to Eden Prairie, Minnesota to start a new life with my partner Jeremy. It was indeed a big move, but I've never regretted it. But people keep asking me if I'm homesick yet. I don't think so.

I do think about the good times I used to spend hanging out with my friends at South Beach on Friday and/or Saturday nites. THAT was a banging club! There's nothing like it here in Minneapolis. I sometimes still wish I could go line up for the free entry and drink specials between 10:30 and 11:00 on those weekend nites. I would dance the nite away. But missing the club doesn't really make me homesick.

I think about the friends that I had grown close to before I left: Ivan, with whom I would have great stimulating conversations; Lonnie, who was my partner in the appreciation of rad music and with whom I have danced many a night away; but I think most of all about my friend Maurice who died the week before I moved away. I still think about that because for a little while I was upset with Maurice for dying. I blamed him for not taking care of himself when he knew he was HIV+. I blamed him for popping ecstasy tabs every weekend, and smoking weed everyday, and not seeing a doctor when he knew he was sick. I think about that because I have to take responsibility for some of that myself. I could have done things to provoke his taking care and doing what was needed. I could see his demise approaching, but I didn't do enough. I guess my verbal warnings just weren't the possibility he needed to be moved by. But, I suppose that's neither here nor that at this point.

So to Maurice I say: I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't take more action in helping you. I thought you were selfish and shallow and conceited, but those were things that should never have mattered. You were my running buddy for years and I should have been more of a friend. I would do things differently now. I know you believe me.

In my thoughts of home, I think about my family. I guess that's what (whom?) I would be homesick for the most. My family and I had so many fun times. When you get a bunch of goofballs like us together, it's always non-stop laughter. It started with my mom, who passed her silliness down to me. I, in turn, am being blamed for influencing my sister's personality, and she indeed is a nut! My brother's picked up some of my comic facial expressions and man, you should meet my nephew. He's an amalgamation of us all! Not good! But whenever we get together, there's nothing but fun!

I think what helps me avoid the homesick bug is the fact that I'm so happy here. Although it's been like a negative 1000 degrees here this winter(!), I genuinely love Minnesota. I love my life with my partner and I love the people that I've met knowing him. I think there really is something to the concept of "Minnesota Nice". How did I get so lucky to be able to meet such great friends and have them accept me into their lives so easily? I've met the best friend I've ever had in my life here. You know who it is; my best buddy Jared. He and his partner are two of the most awesome guys I know. But there's also Jay and Marcella, who love us as if we're their brothers, and their daughter Charlotte as if we're her uncles. And there are no end to people we hang out with who love us and whom we love in return.

Back home, the tolerance level for homosexuals was no where near what it is up north. Here, people are much more accepting and a lot less judgemental. I'm still reeling from the number of inter-racial couples there are here, both straight and gay. It's so alien to what I'm used to encountering. But I've always thought my mentality was different from the majority of the people in Texas. I like to think that I've always had a more progressive outlook on life. Maybe it was reading that opened me up to the world outside of my immediate environment. Whatever it was, I'm thankful for it.

I thnk a lot about how happy my life is with my partner Jeremy. In Houston, I had a different sort of life. I was single, but was ready to settle down and couldn't seem to find anybody that I vibed with. Meeting Jeremy on the internet made a huge difference in my life. I knew once I got to know him that wherever he was, that's where I wanted my home to be. And I don't think I've made many choices in my life that were as wise as that one. Our home may have it's problems (what home doesn't), but I'm thankful for it. As he now lays in bed with his box of tissue and glass of orange juice close at hand, actually "home sick", I completely realize he's one of the main reasons why I don't have that same dilemma. I'm not home sick for one simple reason: I am home.